Supernatural Hell
by Dracoroserade
Summary: It's Sam's time in hell and he's got two room-mates. They don't quite get on. What cruel and unusual punishments might these angels have?


It was a Tuesday, based on the Millennia-old calendar, and as the hellfire sun rose, the light came through the windows to gently rouse the two sleeping angels.

"Morning, Mike," said Lucifer.

"Morning, Lucy," said Michael.

"Sleep well?"

"Yep, you?"

"Yep."

The two of them got up and shuffled to the bathroom, Lucifer's bunny slippers making small squeaks on the floorboards. They brushed their teeth in unison, up, down, up, down, spit, rinse. After their morning bathroom routine they returned to the bedroom and looked down upon the occupant of the third bed. The longer haired Winchester lay in his plaid pyjamas sleeping peacefully.

They both let out a small 'aww'.

"Isn't he cute?" Lucifer asked his brother.

He sighed. "Yeah."

Lucifer clapped his hands together gently. "So what do you wanna do with him today? More visions of his stupid brother being ripped apart, etc.?"

Michael shook his head. "Nah, that's boring. And we've done that for the last hundred days."

The Devil tutted. "You know, we'd have more entertainment if that damn Castiel hadn't blown up the half-Winchester. Might have been nice to have a bit more company."

Michael chuckled. "What?" Lucifer asked.

The Archangel grinned. "We could cut off his hair!"

"Oh my gosh, yes." Lucifer started to laugh. "Ha, but, but" He paused. "We leave the sideburns."

Michael clutched his sides.

Lucifer slid past his bed and grabbed the clippers as his brother tiptoed round the other side of the room. They each took one edge of Sam's bed and Lucifer plugged in the torture weapon. It started to buzz when he clicked it on and Sam started to stir.

"Grab 'im!"

Michael's hands landed like a vice on Sam's arms, pinning him to the bed, as Lucifer descended with the buzzing blade. Their captive started to thrash and yell but wasn't strong enough to escape as Lucifer, laughing manically the whole time, ran the clippers over his skull, shearing off the long flowing mane that he was so proud of.

The two angels ate their cereal as they tried to avoid looking at either Sam or each other. Lucifer had a plastic spoon with a lightsabre handle. Sam sat across the table and glared at the two of them as they tried not to laugh. He hadn't found anything he could wear on his head and had to sit there as his tormenters snorted at the sight of his dome. The top of his head was patchy and had small pieces of toilet paper stuck in places where Sam had tried to stop the bleeding. He ran his hands over his upper cheeks, the only place on his head where he had hair left.

Lucifer looked up. "Hey Sammy. I seriously think you need to reconsider the length of your sideburns." He nudged his brother but only received a blank look in return. "What," he frowned. "You don't recognise that? I thought of all people you would."

They looked at each other and then at him. "Ok, Sammy. We know we've been a bit mean recently-"

"You think?" The glare.

"Watch it. So we've been a bit mean recently but we feel," he clutched his chest with intense sincerity. "That you deserve a bit of a break. And so we wanted to give you a treat. So we've made a salad for you. It's over there," he pointed across the room.

Sam turned and saw, to his surprise, a large bowl which seemed to be filled with green. He hadn't had anything to eat with any flavour to it since he'd fallen down here so seeing that he rushed on over. Only when Sam reached the bowl he saw that the salad was only around the edge, all that was inside cheeseburgers, dripping with fat and sauce.

Sam had tears in his eyes as he spun around. "Why? Why would you do this?" He saw that both of his tormentors were sitting back and watching his suffering with glee. He turned back to the bowl. "Oh well." He grabbed the first burger and took an enormous bite and then another.

"Huh," Lucifer said. "Didn't see that one coming."

Michael narrowed his eyes. "You win this one, Winchester."

Lucifer and Michael stood outside the bedroom door, holding a package that Michael had managed to acquire. They grinned at their best torture yet. Pushing the door open they made themselves as nonchalant as possible.

"Hey. Hey Sammy. Check your emails." Michael sniggered. "Here," he said as he handed over Sam's laptop. He stood back by the door to watch.

Sam stared at the silver machine. "How the hell did you get that down here?" He grabbed at it eagerly and opened the lid. A couple of clicks later and he was in but a crease of frustration appeared on his brow. Suddenly it dawned on him. "What? No signal? No! This has never happened to me before!" Same slammed the laptop shut and threw himself back on the bed, burying his face in the pillow.

Michael and Lucifer left guffawing. As they headed down the hall, Michael inclined his head towards Lucifer. "Is it bad I was concerned he might actually get Wi-Fi down here?" He looked at his brother.

Lucifer shook his head. "Nope, totally reasonable, I was thinking the same thing."

Same heard a strange knocking. He pulled his head from his covers and realised that it wasn't coming from the door but rather the window and as he looked out he saw the face of the fourth horseman, Death. He was hovering there, just outside.

The old-looking man in black held out his hand. "Come on, Sam. I'm here to take you home."

"Oh thank God," Sam said and rushed forwards. He swung open the windows and grabbed the hand that was offered to him.

As he pushed his foot up on the windowsill the bedroom door swung open. "Hey Sammy, I've got another – What, no!" Lucifer dashed and jumped over the bed. Swinging madly he managed to grab onto Sam's trouser leg. "Michael! Michael he's escaping!"

The other angel burst into the room but as Lucifer turned back form shouting over his shoulder he saw Sam's soul's sole come crashing towards his face. As the book impacted upon his nose he let go and suddenly the hunter and the horsemen ascended into a bright light. And then they were gone.

The two angels stood there, shell-shocked. Michael eventually shook himself. "Erm, right. Backgammon?"

Lucifer pulled himself up and gingerly touched his nose. "Yeah, alright."


End file.
